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Gayle's Blog

Letting Go

26/8/2018

19 Comments

 
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What does ‘Letting Go’ mean to you? It’s a common phrase; you’ve no doubt heard it many times. It applies to animate and inanimate objects. It applies to family relationships, jobs, homes, friends, pets and food cravings. It even applies to beliefs and ideals. I suspect the longer you’ve been attached to something, the harder it is to let go. 
 
Is it a matter of detaching, of no longer caring? Is it a physical action, a mental construct or an emotional state? Maybe it is a combination of all of this. It seems to me that the incentive to let go is the freedom that replaces the attachment.  Trying to hang on can be hard work. Letting go opens up space for something new to come in.

​If you have been following my blog, you are aware that my mother passed over a few months ago and that I’ve been ‘home’ in the Rocky Mountains of Montana, finalizing her estate. This story is a continuation of that time which is filled with opportunities to let go.
 
One of the hardest ‘letting go’ events of my life has just taken place. It’s an inanimate object. It is the family cabin that my father, mother, brothers, husband and I built in the early 70’s. My father was the foreman, of course, of that makeshift building crew, my mother the cook. The rest of us just did what we were told. We were really good at fetching whatever my dad needed next! We also gained skills holding the other end of something. My dad was a travelling salesman all of his life. Obviously, he was good at sales. But what he really enjoyed was working with his hands. He did all the plumbing, electrical work, window framing, built the deck, built the fireplace, laid the carpet, and installed the kitchen cupboards.  It’s a testament to his craftsmanship that it looks as good today as it did the summer we first built it. 

 
I have known for several months that the time had come to sell the cabin. It isn’t getting used much now with me in Australia and my kids living elsewhere as well. Although still living in Montana and not that far from the cabin, my brother owns a business and a farm so rarely can find time to make it over the mountains to the cabin. The maintenance in a general up-keep sort of way, the property taxes and insurance make it a costly luxury that would be ok if it was getting a lot of use, but it wasn’t. So I had been floating the idea with the family that I thought we should sell it. My kids were sad but accepting of the practicality of it. My brother, understandably, was reluctant. I didn’t want to push him so I patiently waited for him to draw his own conclusions about what was best. Finally, late in the summer, he agreed that we should see “what interest might be out there.”
 
It’s a cute cabin, in good condition, in God’s own country but it required a few miles of dirt road to get there, a four wheel drive entrance, and someone who was willing to work with a gravity fed water system, to name a couple of the considerations that would make it not everyone’s cup of tea. 
 
I had decided the best way to market the cabin was to send an email to the other association members on the ranch where the cabin is. The email went out on Tuesday and the cabin was sold by Saturday evening. But wait, it gets even better.
 
We had more than one interested buyer. So there was a short but significant bidding exchange. We ended up getting more than we were asking or expecting. 
 
The new owners are people who we have been associated with for nearly 50 years. Her parents were founding members with my parents of the ranch association. They have been coming to the East Rosebud valley for as long as we have and they love it just as much as we do. They love the cabin just the way it is – although I’m not attached haha – to them keeping it the same, they can’t imagine what changes would need to be made. 
 
If all of that wasn’t good enough, they are going overseas and won’t be using the cabin for the rest of the summer of 2018 so they offered for me to stay until my scheduled departure date at the end of September and my brother was invited to come spend some time at the cabin in October, when he can finally close the door on his shop for a week without losing too much money. The summer tourists will have gone and the winter skiers will not have arrived yet. In exchange, my brother will drain the pipes and close the cabin as usual, before the first frost.
 
***
It couldn’t have been much easier – or better. Who would have thought it could be so effortless? Obviously our timing was right.  

The buyer was in place, although he had been and gone for the summer so had to fly back! I still cared a great deal about the cabin, the mountains of Montana and my brother’s  willingness to sell. So, for me, it seems like ‘not caring’ is not a criteria for ‘letting go.’ It is possible to care about something or someone and still let go.
 
It did cross my mind at times that I was letting my parents down, that they would be disappointed. But that was just a mental construct that didn’t feel true in my heart. 
 
That Saturday night when my brother and I decided to accept the offer and call it a deal, I tried to call the buyer but he didn’t answer the phone. It was sunset and I suspected he was walking down by the river. I put on my shoes and walked down the mountain and found him there where I thought I would. As I shook his hand and said, “We have a deal,” tears flooded my eyes and I let go of the cabin that we had built and loved for 48 years.

​I could feel the space opening before me for whatever will come next.
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19 Comments
Janice Lechner
26/8/2018 10:34:59 am


What a beautiful ending to your story Gayle. Just goes to show how, by staying true to what your heart was telling you, and not being swayed to push through for a solution to have the sale finalised because time was getting closer for your return to Australia, you allowed things to unfold naturally, with your brother reaching his own conclusion as to what was the best solution for everyone. And it is a win/win for everyone.
You will have somewhere to stay until it's time for you to leave, your
brother can stay there to enjoy and savour the property, and the new owner has someone lovingly tending it until he is ready to take over.
I'm sure your mother and father would be delighted with the outcome.

Reply
Gayle
26/8/2018 01:24:38 pm

Hello ...thanks for your comment Janice. And thanks for getting the message! I also feel that because I didn't push for an outcome that I wanted and I was willing to consider all equally, that the heavens aligned the win / win. As it should be.

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Jade Pattrick
26/8/2018 02:08:23 pm

Thankyou Gayle for sharing.

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Gayle
27/8/2018 09:31:34 am

We all have an amazing life. No matter our circumstances, if we are open to the magic it is revealed to us. And I love sharing THAT. ♥️

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Deidre Medbury
26/8/2018 07:29:46 pm

I love the way you allowed this to unfold Gayle and how it all constellated for both the buyer and your family. To be able to come to a joint decision with the consideration of all those involved in the process and everyone happy with the outcome is not always the case. It can be sad to let go of something that holds such lovely memories but the practical and responsible choice to let go knowing that to hold onto it was not truly supportive that has now opened the space "for whatever will come next" is a great opportunity to expand.

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Gayle
27/8/2018 09:32:51 am

Thanks for taking the time to read AND comment, Deidre. I love having your reflection as part of the blog.

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Anne Hart
27/8/2018 07:08:43 am

Love how the process just flowed for you Gayle, and how you allowed your brother the space he needed to let go. Letting go is a deeply personal process, as I am discovering as I declutter my living spaces.

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Gayle
27/8/2018 09:33:31 am

Such an important point, Anne - Letting Go is a deeply personal process.

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Annie Mack
27/8/2018 12:28:06 pm

What a beautiful story Gayle, thank you for sharing this with us. I especially loved the part when you decided to walk down the mountain to the river to tell the new owner in person that you had a deal. How glorious was that, so intimate and so very real. The symbolism of that very act is profound in many ways.

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Gayle
4/9/2018 02:40:31 am

Thanks for your comment Annie. It is often through comments from readers that I see something that I had missed while writing.

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Ruth Anderssen
27/8/2018 06:18:24 pm

The absolute integrity with which you came to the final decision to 'let go' of your beautiful family nesting place demonstrates the love that you held everyone in and the responsibility you have taken with your brother, your family and yourself to allow the ending to unfold. I can understand the 'letting go' process as we did the same when we sold our Sydney Family Home to come to Ballina. When I met the new owners I knew in my heart we had made the right decision as our home would once again be full of children growing up, living, laughing, climbing the trees, swimming in the pool and make the house their home -- it gave me the comfort of knowing that we do live in cycles and each cycle must complete before we start the next one. You have completed your Montanna cycle and I feel you are more than ready to greet the new cycle that will unfold for you. Enjoy your last month in the mountains and keep sending us all those magnificently beautiful photos that you have been taking and sharing with us on Facebook.

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Yasmin Lang
27/8/2018 08:13:46 pm

Gayle this was such a beautiful heart felt true story that I can so relate to...every word was felt as I have also loved your cabin from a far with the sharings your journey and pics on facebook with your family in beautiful Montana. Sometimes the most beautiful things in life need to be let go of so others can enjoy too..

Reply
Gayle
4/9/2018 02:48:50 am

Hello Yasmin - Thank you for your comment and the confirmation that by sharing my Montana trip on facebook, I am bringing the majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountains and the quaint feeling of being warm and cozy in cabin in the woods to my friends. That was my intention and so I really appreciate your feedback. See you back in Australia in November!

Gayle
4/9/2018 02:45:04 am

Hello Ruth...Yes, I've come to realise that the places we call 'home' are a part of us and it does make 'letting go' an event in life. Thinking of and feeling the joy and good times we've had in a place somehow overrides any sorrow, for me, in letting go. I had been feeling that selling the cabin was the close of a big chapter in my life but now I prefer to think of it in the terms you've expressed, the end of a cycle so a new one can begin. There is less finality of things when considered in cycles. Its a natural changing of time.Thank you for your comments.

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Lotti
30/8/2018 06:06:45 pm

Beautiful blog Gayle.
i love the ease and flow in your lovely experience.

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Gayle
4/9/2018 02:49:48 am

Hi Lotti - Yes, it was flowing. I don't think it could have been any easier!

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Monica Gillooly
4/9/2018 04:55:07 pm

Gayle this is beautiful. And as I read it today you remind me that cycles are important and that there's a time and place for each and we don't in fact really own anything, we've been given it to use at a particular time for a purpose. And big one for me to see today, no pushing you allowed it to unfold as it needed to and you let go the outcome, and perfect timing for me to read this today as I'm feeling my next steps, thank you.

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Gayle
6/9/2018 02:03:04 am

Hello Monica - I love it when my writing is relevant for someone else. That's actually my main incentive for writing. And I never know who or where that person is going to be - so I write and let go, knowing it will find its way to whoever needs to read it. And there you are, across the Atlantic, finding it timely on the day you choose to read it!

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Jacqueline McFadden
30/9/2019 06:13:57 pm

What a beautiful sharing and experience, one that was held with love and integrity from the beginning to the end, evident in how everything unfolded naturally and with a certain rhythm. And I love the final summary of how when we do let go, the space is there for all that is to come next. The old adage, let go of the old, allows the new to enter rings true.

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    Gayle Cue loves writing about life, reflecting on every day miracles and pondering on the big picture. 

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